i should be in bed right now with JR but im not. the roommate just called and invited us both to dinner but he's sleeping and he's sick so he needs all the rest that he can get. i, on the other hand.. well im stressed out. pissed off big time. when you find yourself reaching for a drink every after work , you know there's a problem. i just got out of work and i am in need of one. or maybe a punching bag. i hate complaining. and i hate HATING what i do but its getting to a point that i am bothered and annoyed at everything and everything. when i took the extra "responsibility" i had to give up my weekends off and work until 11:30 at night sometimes. i had to deal with more difficult customers and being the go-to person by pretty much every deparment. no ATM open within walking distance, somebody calling 911 by accident, servers not getting payment from the customer, bathroom clogged up, missing towels in room and so on and so forth.. blah blah... and THEN to bitch at me because i didnt finish one of my "task" for the week. im sorry but i forgot to do it between everything that i was supposed to do. maybe if u pay me more i would tattoo everything on my body because i ran out of space inside my brain.

since i dont really have time to write EVERYTHING that has been happening to me for the past 2 to 3 months, im going to try and post maybe a paragraph or so every week. it has gotten to that point that i dont evn know when's the next time im going to have access to my laptop. but since my phone is 4g and has unlimited web, i should be able to blog from it once in a while.

- practically live with JR since my car has temporarily given up on me. he has been taking me to and from work so its more convenient for the both of us for me to stay at his house. this is prolly the 1st time in about 2 weeks that im sleeping (without him) at my apartment.

- work has gotten fucking insane! im doing 3 positions right now without a raise and its fucking killing me. IM EXHAUSTED AND ITS NOT EVEN FUCKING WORTH IT!

- im now a "casual" friend to people whom i considered my best friends/family because according to them, i chose my boyfriend over friendship. try not having a car and having to work 6 days a week, from your schedule changing from 8-4:30pm, 10-6:30pm, 3-11:30pm or 6:30-3pm from one day to another, have a boyfriend and have immature and selfish "friends" who's just unhappy with their lives and have nobody to take out their frustrations on.

- school <-------- on hold again for now! FML

- JR and me, though, thats a whole different story which brings me to WHY i wanted to start writing again. :)

There are so many things that are going through my mind right now and as much as I try to let it not affect me, I still can’t seem to shake that feeling. I thought 2011 will be my year. I thought that I was done with all the bad luck and unhappiness in my life and I was looking forward to starting the year right, with JR, my family and friends and my plans and resolution to change.

Supposedly I am selfish.  Supposedly I’m all about my boyfriend now. Supposedly I changed. It’s just a bunch of bullshit and its affecting my relationship with JR. I don’t know why my friends are being selfish and inconsiderate. They always said that they’re happy for me that I found somebody that I love and makes me happy but now all of a sudden they’re bitching at me because I spend too much time with him. Regardless of how our relationship is, IT’S NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. I am sick and tired of them comparing our relationship with other people. We don’t get to see each other much because of our schedule so when we do, we want it spend it just the two of us. We barely go out, we usually just stay home and chill because there is really nothing to do by the time he gets off work and I have to sacrifice being tired at work because I usually only have a few hours of sleep. I have always been a chill person. I usually go by what my friends what to do because the times that I want to do and plan something with them, either they’re not in the mood for it or they come up with another plan so I just stopped. But supposedly now it’s a problem, they keep coming up with reasons why they’re mad at me and I can’t believe some of the things that were coming out from their mouth because it was so damn stupid! I would have expected this in high school but damn they just took everything to the next level! They never once tried to look at it from my point of view, all the care about is how they feel. I am a very understanding person and I can put with a lot of shit but if it’s already affecting my happiness, its different. And the thing is it’s not even just me, its affecting JR and our relationship. I know we have done nothing wrong to them and I don’t want to justify why we do the things that we do. It’s a new relationship people; we are in the honeymoon stage. I AM HAPPY! Isn’t that what matters. Can they just swallow their unhappiness for one freaking time so I can enjoy this? They say I am selfish but either way don’t I have the right to be? Its not like I forgot about them and left them, yes I don’t chill and see them as much but I am still around, even after they kept rejecting me, I still tried. It hurts. It hurts to try and be rejected over and over. At the end of the day, it’s still my relationship, and I don’t want to have to choose between either but odds are I would choose JR, and though it may sound wrong. I know we’re not doing anything wrong, it’s them being unreasonable and selfish and I don’t want to stand for it anymore. They don’t own me and I can do the hell whatever I want.  

Ps. This fucking situation is ridiculous. Seriously..

its funny how posting "in a relationship" on fb can generate THAT MUCH texts, calls and messages from nosy people, lolz. nobody knew i was dating so it was even more of a shock when i changed my status! knowing how picky i am, people know im not one of those people who do casual relationships. but im happy. he makes me really happy :) :) :) i guess after all the bullshit, its all worth it coz of him. truly, God has his ways and He has just given me the best gift that i can receive this year and hopefully for years to come. i know that its really early for me to feel this way but i honestly cant help it. <3 <3 <3

thanksgiving two years ago i was a wreck. i had not eaten for a week, i had no decent sleep, i was a mess. i cried myself to the point of exhaustion. i thought my life was done and i was bitter. holidays mean a lot to me and to break up with me on the eve of thanksgiving was downright insensitive and cruel.

this year i celebrated with friends. and i am happy. it doesnt matter that i prolly gained 10 lbs from all the food, it doesnt matter that i had work both that day and black friday therefore means no shoppin for me. i am happy :) i have so many things to be thankful for and i appreciate every good thing that comes my way. i can not say enough how blessed i am to have the friends that i have in my life, i know that no matter what, they would always have my back and yes we fight, we get on each other's nerves but we love each other a lot.

i will be back in school by next winter and im nervous and excited at the same time. i know it took me far tooooooo long to get there but i am finally doing it. somehow, everything seems to be falling into places and i am thankful, thankful, thankful. my parents are in full support of my decision eventhough it means im really going to have to stay here in florida and i wont be coming home whenever i feel like it. im going to have to struggle even more with money since the goverment THINKS that i am making a lot of money from work and they declined my financial aid. i still have to talk things over with my boss since im prolly gonna have to change my schedule around to accommodate school and prolly switch to working part-time. i know theres gonna be a lot of changes from now but hopefully it will all work out in the end.

and last but not the least.. (insert drum roll please).. i am dating someone right now.

so far, he is everything that i am want for in a guy. he's filipino, he's catholic and he seems really interested in me, lolz which i think is very important. he opens the door for me, he makes me laugh and so much more. BUT the best thing that already endeared him to me is the fact that he understands that in order to date me, he has to accept and date my friends first. he doesnt impose himself on me when he knows im spending time with my girls, i usually go out with him when i dont have plans with the girls and he actually understands. i know my friends can be difficult and they are very protective of me so i know that this is hard for him. i see how much he tries to get them to like him. i dont know many guys that would sit and watch e-news, kendra or listen to girls gossip about people and random shit. i know its still way too early yet but i can kinda see this going somewhere serious.