puyang

i feel ashamed to sey that i am turning 27 this year, single and no way close to gettin into my career. i dont mind the single part, i am not that desperate as to go out or be with somebody that i am not that into. but the career part is seriously depressing me.

i always say i dont want to regret anything in my life, even the time that i was with my ex or the time i messed up in school. i still dont.. i jes regret the fact that at this point in my life i am still at a loss on what to do. i have always been sheltered and i depended on my parents a lot. being on my own gave me a sense of freedom and gave me more of an understanding of life.

but for now, i am still trying to erase that part of my life and i need to party hehehe..

puyang

goin home to PI for 2 weeks in april-may!

cant fall asleep. blame it on my cuzin bugging me about goin to orlando next month..i never learn! every morning when i turn off my alarm, i sey to myself "im gonna sleep early tonite" and as soon as i get out of work, i go out, chill and stay out late.. lolz.. fun! my body is so tired it shuts down on me sometimes..tsk tsk..and oh crap its only wed! cant wait for the weekend, nutin planned yet but charles wanna chill and drink, def thinkin about it.

soooo, im trying not to text aj. he hasnt text me anyway BUT i knoe for sure when i move in to my new place, he'll be txting me nonstop. i try to remember what i liked about him. his goofiness? lately, hes always frownin at me, always tellin to get serious wit life which is good in a way but still.. he gained a lil bit of weight and he has long hair now, i still like his drobe but he doesnt look the same. im honestly gettin tired.. but im scared.. im very picky and i always feel like since i havent met anybody i like so far to jes leave him on the side. what if i need cuddling? sex? almost there.. lolz.. im still not that type of girl.. i wanna take care of him, i wanna be there for him but at the same time, we both have different lives and i knoe its hard for us to get together.. he lives 2 hours from me and he doesnt have a set schedule, i live with my cuzins and im always out partying. i dont wanna be in a relationship but i wanna be with him. i like being wit him, i like how he makes me feel. hes my addiction and everytime i feel like i can let go, he comes back and draws me back to him. i knoe i gotta play the game but i cant, i dont want to. i pride myself on being honest. i sey what i wanna sey, if not, read my face, its all there.

napapagod na ako. after my ex, i sed i wanted to be single. and i do! im enjoyin it. and i dont like complications.. aargghhh.. KAKAINIS!!

p.s.

should i start bein friendly on tabulas? sometimes i read ppl's blog but i dunt really keep up with them.i think its pretty interesting how some ppl actually meet up.. hhmm.. maybe, let me know..

honestly 2010 has not been nice to me. first, ive been slackin off at work and i knoe that a lot of peope have been talkin about it behind my back. i spoke to my manager and although i knoe she will always back me up, i knoe that i have to take responsibility and be more focused on work. second, my friends has been a lil distant and whenever im wit them, im feelin more and more of an outsider. ive been holdin back my emotions and just tryin to stay positive because i knoe they have been busy preparing for the bachelorette and wedding and then now for kim's birthday. it sucks because the one person i want to talk to is the same person im tryin to stay away from. i sed i wanted to leave all that is 2009 which included HIM (the guy i liked after my ex) because he has a girlfriend and i dunt want to get involved wit him.  and now he tells me they've been broken up since december and the reason why he's been txting me is to invite me out for dinner and let me know that he's single. i know this doesnt change our relationship. it did take away the guilt and now i dunt hav to get all defensive if people find out that we're talkin. its funny because the only reason he had to tell me thru txt is because i told him finally to leave me alone and stop txting and callin me. BUT it is what it is. im way into him than he is to me and i dunt think its healthy. 

puyang

monday - cereal

tuesday - volcano roll, tuna tataki, beef satay (about 4 sticks), miso soup, chicken pad thai and 4 sake

wed - sarku chicken teriyaki wit rice and veggies

thursday - spinach with bacon soup, one chocolate cupcake

yes i knoe im crazy.. i need to lose weight by sunday and im havin a hard time starvin myself lolz.. i need to be good today and tom so i can look extra skinny..

what a way to start the year! :)